1
00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:01,495
Four months into med school,

2
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,594
and we were getting
on each other's nerves.

3
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,434
Cole was especially good at it.

4
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,634
Cole, you're wearing my scrubs.

5
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,472
I had to wear the ones
my mom made me.

6
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,943
Babe, you know girl scrubs
make my ass pop.

7
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,744
That is so stupid.

8
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,774
Damn, Mama wants a bite!

9
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,211
You know, Cole,

10
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,620
you could be a little more respectful
of other people.

11
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:26,456
Fine. Maya, that is a lovely sweater.

12
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,758
It really shows everybody
what you're working with.

13
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,024
There, Luce. You happy?

14
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,066
- Ow! What was that for?
- I don't know.

15
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,397
I assume you did something stupid.

16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,993
- Did he?
- Yeah.

17
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,402
One more for luck.

18
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,871
All right, fall in, losers.

19
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,534
Today, one of you is gonna get
an amazing learning opportunity.

20
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,169
Trang, I need you to put a new gown
on Mrs. Gainer.

21
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,907
Be careful.
She's off her meds, has four-inch nails,

22
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,040
and is convinced
someone's trying to steal her skin.

23
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,611
Hey, Talking Man Baby, come here.

24
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,781
I am parked
in the 10-minute parking zone.

25
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:59,054
- You want me to move your car?
- No, I love the space.

26
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,220
What I want you to do is to pull out of

27
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:04,026
and then back into the space
every 10 minutes.

28
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,398
If you get bored, here's a ball
and a half a deck of cards.

29
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:08,868
I want that ball.

30
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:11,201
Trang, get over here right now.

31
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,296
I didn't envy Trang.

32
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:15,274
At some point, we'd all been caught
between Dr. Mahoney and Dr. Cox,

33
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,777
and it felt like being
in a pinball machine.

34
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,579
And it always ended the same way,
with Dr. Cox winning.

35
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:31,057
Tiny One, run fast now.

36
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,026
Dr. Kelso?

37
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:41,557
I told you, you can't be coming up
in here stealing all the gauze.

38
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:42,967
Are you building a giant gauze ball?

39
00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,868
'Cause if you are, I want in.
It's on my bucket list.

40
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:47,233
Actually, I'm here for a medical reason.

41
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,502
I had a bit of a scare

42
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,943
while I was playing a game
of Scattergories with my niece.

43
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,139
You're still on the clock.

44
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,273
She means the Scattergories clock.

45
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,284
She's very competitive.

46
00:01:57,351 --> 00:02:00,809
Anyway, I got a little bit light-headed,
and so we're gonna run some tests.

47
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,220
I wouldn't worry about it.

48
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,054
A few years back,
I got a little light-headed myself.

49
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,320
Turns out it was...

50
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,960
Well, it was diabetes.
That's a bad example.

51
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,965
You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

52
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,032
What up, Dr. T?

53
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:18,402
Okay, today, as part
of your practical doctoring class,

54
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,306
we'll be conducting physical exams
on one another for the first time.

55
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:22,570
Cole.

56
00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:25,178
Put your pants back on.

57
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,774
My bad. I thought this was going
somewhere totally different.

58
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:33,412
People, I said it day one,
I can't teach you without your pants on.

59
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,420
While doing these exams,
some of you may experience

60
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,584
something we like to call
Med Student Syndrome.

61
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,254
It's a common condition

62
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,593
where med students think they have
the disease they're studying.

63
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,496
All right, what I want you all
to do now, though,

64
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,934
is partner up with the person
next to you and get it cracking.

65
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:53,269
Getting paired up in med school
was like playing a game of win,

66
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,741
lose, or Frank.

67
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,473
Spoiler alert. My skin's super flaky.

68
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,243
Man, I just got totally Frank'd.

69
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,675
I really appreciate you taking time
to check me out.

70
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,085
I'm gonna take care of you,
but first, as you know,

71
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,420
we got to knock out
one of these patient histories.

72
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,084
And we both know how weird
these can get.

73
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,060
Yes, deeply, deeply weird.

74
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,584
What do you say we just dive right in?

75
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,257
Are you currently taking
any medications?

76
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:20,529
Have you had sex
with multiple partners?

77
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,058
You exercising regularly?

78
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,729
And have you traveled
outside the United States

79
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,863
in the last couple months?

80
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,169
Yes. Hell, yes.

81
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:30,837
Yes, I go to the bathroom 10 times
a day, which for me is cardio.

82
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,573
- Natch.
- I recently flew

83
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:35,912
to Bangkok,
but I didn't actually get off the plane.

84
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:37,675
Right.

85
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:41,216
That little stunt you pulled with Trang?
Not cool.

86
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,620
I needed him for real hospital work.

87
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,920
Having him move my car,
I'll have you know,

88
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,484
was hospital work of the highest order.

89
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,358
That's exactly what Trang needed.

90
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,261
Driving back and forth
in the parking lot,

91
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:54,028
reinforcing every stereotype
of Asian drivers.

92
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:56,434
Look, you're the one
who put me with the med students,

93
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,030
so don't undermine me.
Who's in charge of them, you or me?

94
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:01,507
I'm in charge of you,
and by the transitive property,

95
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,033
anybody you're in charge of,
I'm also in charge of.

96
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:07,013
You see, I'm the boss around here.
I can pretty much do whatever I want.

97
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:10,107
For instance,
I can use the intercom to whistle.

98
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,947
Any loose change, automatically mine.

99
00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:13,749
And I never have to buy chocolate bars

100
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,652
from any of my colleagues'
awful children

101
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,884
to support their horrible school bands.

102
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,894
I can do whatever I want,
and you just have to stand and nod

103
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,455
like the sweet-mouthed little man-boy,
monkey toy that you truly are.

104
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,823
Mine.

105
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:27,959
Ugh!

106
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,197
Leave.

107
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:35,200
Even though Dr. Turk warned us
about Med Student Syndrome,

108
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,709
we couldn't help ourselves.

109
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,872
Dr. Turk, I've got scurvy and rickets.

110
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,744
How did I get all the pirate diseases?

111
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:45,650
That's a walk in the park
compared to my early-onset dementia.

112
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,715
Where's my phone?

113
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:50,189
Actually, Cole does have
a weird mole on his chest.

114
00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:54,456
Man, forget that mole. I'm more
worried about the pain in my throat.

115
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,522
The T-Pain.

116
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:06,496
Listen, guys, calm down. You're all fine.
Everything's good.

117
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,998
That's a bruise, you're just ticklish,
and you, my friend,

118
00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,204
you got ink on your tongue.

119
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:14,737
Stop eating your pens.
Cole, the mole on your chest...

120
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,651
Well, actually, the mole on your chest
is something we need to check out.

121
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:22,279
So, Cole,

122
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,850
unfortunately, the biopsy shows
that your mole is malignant.

123
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,451
You have melanoma.

124
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,258
Skin cancer? Oh, my God, Cole.

125
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,529
How'd you know
it was gonna be malignant?

126
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,833
I didn't. I was prepared for both ways.

127
00:06:00,423 --> 00:06:03,085
Cole's cancer thing
was really freaking me out.

128
00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:06,026
Hey, check it,
I put orange soda in my IV bag.

129
00:06:06,062 --> 00:06:07,620
I'm like a hamster, yo.

130
00:06:07,663 --> 00:06:09,392
Cole, not so much.

131
00:06:09,632 --> 00:06:12,123
This is serious. You have cancer.

132
00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:15,228
Lucy, it's not cancer cancer.

133
00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:16,898
Hey, that kind of cancer is for uglies

134
00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:19,134
and dudes who keep laptops
on their balls.

135
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:24,980
Well, then, Bob-O, I figured out
what's causing the fainting.

136
00:06:25,014 --> 00:06:28,347
Men don't faint.
We take unintended, decisive naps.

137
00:06:28,384 --> 00:06:30,944
It's just vagal syncope.
Nothing to worry about.

138
00:06:30,987 --> 00:06:32,181
That's a relief.

139
00:06:32,221 --> 00:06:35,987
So, just fill my prescription
for blue steel and I'll be on my way.

140
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:37,458
There is one other thing.

141
00:06:37,493 --> 00:06:41,259
Unfortunately, given your age
and your current insurance regulations,

142
00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:43,527
they're not gonna let you
drive anymore.

143
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,927
That's crazy. I'm a great driver.

144
00:06:49,705 --> 00:06:54,836
Hey, what's up? Nothing.
I was just about to grab some yogurt.

145
00:06:57,146 --> 00:07:00,843
I guess I can bum rides.
It's good, actually.

146
00:07:00,883 --> 00:07:02,714
You don't know how many times

147
00:07:02,752 --> 00:07:06,381
I've been out late
and had to pass on that seventh drink.

148
00:07:06,489 --> 00:07:08,047
No more Mr. Responsible.

149
00:07:12,762 --> 00:07:15,822
- What about him? How's he gonna die?
- Red nose, beer gut.

150
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:17,196
- Definitely liver failure.
- No way.

151
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,530
Check out his shirt
and his callused hands.

152
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,966
He probably works around
a lot of machinery.

153
00:07:20,002 --> 00:07:21,867
I'm thinking nail gun to the head.

154
00:07:21,904 --> 00:07:23,565
You said that about the nurse
who just walked by.

155
00:07:23,606 --> 00:07:26,040
I think you're overestimating how many
people actually own nail guns.

156
00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:27,235
Whatever. That's how I want to go.

157
00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:31,070
- Hello.
- Number One,

158
00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:34,207
I need you to prep some forms
for Dr. Kelso,

159
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:36,411
get the notes for today's lecture
out of my office

160
00:07:36,452 --> 00:07:40,047
and set my DVR to record
Big Bang Theory.

161
00:07:40,089 --> 00:07:43,183
The whole world is watching this thing
and I've got to know why.

162
00:07:43,426 --> 00:07:46,759
I got to go. Dr. Cox needs me
to do a bunch of stuff.

163
00:07:46,796 --> 00:07:49,321
Cox? You're leaving me for Cox,
right now?

164
00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:53,461
- Yeah, is that all right?
- No, yeah, that's fine. Go.

165
00:07:54,737 --> 00:07:57,638
It's just all this talk
about, you know, dying

166
00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:01,370
is making me think
about my childhood dog, Rascal

167
00:08:02,311 --> 00:08:03,539
Flats Paws.

168
00:08:03,579 --> 00:08:05,706
You had a dog
named Rascal Flats Paws?

169
00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,147
It's an Indian name, okay?

170
00:08:07,183 --> 00:08:09,879
We got him from
a Navajo rescue center.

171
00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:12,679
I taught him how to skateboard.
He was really good,

172
00:08:12,722 --> 00:08:14,815
until my dad ran him over.

173
00:08:15,524 --> 00:08:18,459
- Bastard did it on purpose.
- Wait, are you screwing with me?

174
00:08:18,494 --> 00:08:20,291
Yeah, Drew. That's what I do.

175
00:08:20,329 --> 00:08:23,298
I make up stories about my dead,
skateboarding Indian dog

176
00:08:23,332 --> 00:08:26,267
and my abusive father
just to mess with you. That...

177
00:08:26,302 --> 00:08:27,667
Yeah.

178
00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,699
What, just forget it.

179
00:08:30,706 --> 00:08:31,866
Uh...

180
00:08:33,843 --> 00:08:36,710
No, it's fine. I'll stay.

181
00:08:38,247 --> 00:08:39,839
After our examinations yesterday,

182
00:08:39,882 --> 00:08:42,578
we discovered a malignant melanoma
on Cole's chest.

183
00:08:42,618 --> 00:08:45,849
He's been generous enough to let us
use his case as a teaching tool.

184
00:08:45,888 --> 00:08:49,483
- Mmm! Hear that? I'm a tool, yo.
- Pal...

185
00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:52,425
Drew, he's sick. Let's just let it slide.

186
00:08:54,363 --> 00:08:57,332
This slide is a magnified image
of Cole's mole.

187
00:08:57,366 --> 00:08:59,334
How is it different from a benign one?

188
00:08:59,368 --> 00:09:00,926
Well, it's dark with undefined edges.

189
00:09:00,970 --> 00:09:02,631
You're dark with undefined edges.

190
00:09:02,671 --> 00:09:05,037
- That doesn't even make any sense.
- You don't make sense.

191
00:09:05,074 --> 00:09:07,008
Okay, you know what?
We'll just move on to the questions.

192
00:09:07,043 --> 00:09:10,843
Dr. Turk, doesn't melanoma sometimes
spread into the lymph nodes?

193
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,747
Well, they caught it early,
so that's an extreme scenario.

194
00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:16,510
You're an extreme scenario.

195
00:09:16,552 --> 00:09:19,214
I'm sorry, Dr. T.
He just keeps setting me up.

196
00:09:19,955 --> 00:09:22,788
Thanks again, Turkleton,
for giving me the lift.

197
00:09:22,825 --> 00:09:25,794
Hitching rides with students
was not working out.

198
00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:31,164
The constant stops at keg parties
and strip clubs, they just weren't into it.

199
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:35,330
But, hey, nobody hustles Bob Kelso
out of the champagne room.

200
00:09:35,371 --> 00:09:37,464
That is my house.

201
00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:40,373
If I even step into the parking lot
of a strip club, Carla,

202
00:09:40,409 --> 00:09:42,274
she can pick up the scent of glitter

203
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:45,280
and vanilla body wash
like nobody's business.

204
00:09:45,314 --> 00:09:47,077
I'm telling you,
it's like she's a stripper bloodhound.

205
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:48,947
Well, I got to get home early anyway.

206
00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,851
I want to read the Internet
before they take it down.

207
00:09:51,887 --> 00:09:54,321
I'm not exactly sure
that's how that works, sir.

208
00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:55,789
- Damn.
- What?

209
00:09:55,825 --> 00:09:58,988
I talked through my taco.
I totally forgot to savor it.

210
00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:03,124
I'm gonna go get another one.
I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

211
00:10:03,299 --> 00:10:06,996
You know what? 10 minutes.
Line looks kind of long.

212
00:10:08,104 --> 00:10:10,038
I know you think this surgery
is no big deal,

213
00:10:10,072 --> 00:10:12,370
but are you sure
you don't want your parents there?

214
00:10:12,408 --> 00:10:13,602
Yeah, I'm good.

215
00:10:13,642 --> 00:10:15,769
And besides, they're on some bike trip
around Iceland

216
00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:19,042
taking pictures of puffins,
whatever the hell those are.

217
00:10:19,081 --> 00:10:21,606
What about your boys?
I could give them a call for you.

218
00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:23,811
Nah. Topher and Boots
are on house arrest

219
00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:26,913
for getting into a fight with Criss Angel
at a porn convention.

220
00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,423
Sounded awesome.

221
00:10:28,457 --> 00:10:31,483
I could at least make sure
our study group is there.

222
00:10:31,527 --> 00:10:33,620
- Those fools?
- They're your friends.

223
00:10:33,662 --> 00:10:35,391
They want to be there for you.

224
00:10:35,564 --> 00:10:37,759
All right, I guess it's cool if they come.

225
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,735
Oh, sweet. Cancer party!

226
00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:45,206
Like, tons of my uncles died of cancer,
so I know exactly how to do this.

227
00:10:45,374 --> 00:10:48,036
But theirs were sad.
This one's gonna be fun.

228
00:10:48,644 --> 00:10:51,135
Number One, just exactly
what in the hell happened?

229
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:53,648
You didn't do any of the stuff
that I asked you to.

230
00:10:53,682 --> 00:10:56,480
I'm sorry.
Denise was going through something.

231
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,043
I was in a really emotional place.

232
00:10:58,087 --> 00:11:00,453
Let me see if I've got this straight,
Dr. Mahoney.

233
00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:02,480
You, who think that women in labor

234
00:11:02,525 --> 00:11:04,755
need to cool it
on the emotional theatrics,

235
00:11:04,793 --> 00:11:08,251
suddenly became a needy girlfriend
at the exact same moment

236
00:11:08,297 --> 00:11:09,821
that I required Number One's help?

237
00:11:09,865 --> 00:11:11,833
- What's going on here?
- I'll tell you what's going on here.

238
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:15,667
This one thinks that just because
you're having emotionless intercourse,

239
00:11:15,704 --> 00:11:19,435
that you are the one med student
who will listen to her over me.

240
00:11:19,475 --> 00:11:20,669
Sweetie, ignore him.

241
00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:23,041
I need you to take a patient
to get an MRI.

242
00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:25,911
And I need you to prepare slides
for the immunology exam.

243
00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:28,815
The one thing I know for sure
is that Drew is not gonna sacrifice

244
00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,216
his entire medical career

245
00:11:30,252 --> 00:11:33,483
for the steely caress
of your cold robot pincers.

246
00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,423
Well, let's let him choose.

247
00:11:35,457 --> 00:11:36,651
Fine. Drew?

248
00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:44,328
Hey, Bob,
I am so sorry to keep you waiting.

249
00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:46,163
I've been dancing
as fast as I can up there,

250
00:11:46,202 --> 00:11:48,568
but I just need 15 more minutes
to see another patient

251
00:11:48,604 --> 00:11:50,572
- and we will get out of here.
- Take your time.

252
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:53,769
It's already been 10 minutes,
what's 15 more?

253
00:11:53,809 --> 00:11:55,538
Why don't you just go inside
and have yourself a seat?

254
00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:58,741
A nice, warm seat
for the old-timer, huh? Gee, thanks.

255
00:11:58,781 --> 00:12:00,078
Will there be an afghan?

256
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,515
I don't want to get a draft
while I'm doing the jumble

257
00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:04,849
and clipping articles
to send to my grandchildren.

258
00:12:04,887 --> 00:12:06,650
I appreciate that you're frustrated.

259
00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:09,556
Not being able to drive,
losing your independence.

260
00:12:09,592 --> 00:12:11,890
It's got to be pretty hard on you.

261
00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:13,724
What the hell you talking about?

262
00:12:13,762 --> 00:12:17,698
Look, Perry, just because we had
a couple of nice conversations

263
00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:19,564
and a few backyard beers last summer,

264
00:12:19,602 --> 00:12:22,332
it doesn't mean
we're Butch and Sundance, all right?

265
00:12:22,371 --> 00:12:26,307
So, just forget all this soulmate stuff
and just go bring the car around.

266
00:12:26,342 --> 00:12:29,402
You know what, Bob?
Find your own way home.

267
00:12:32,915 --> 00:12:35,475
Hey. Guys, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

268
00:12:35,517 --> 00:12:36,848
You want us to go to Cole's surgery?

269
00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:37,943
How did you know?

270
00:12:37,987 --> 00:12:39,045
It's written on your hand.

271
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,986
- I've been forgetting things recently.
- You should eat more grains.

272
00:12:44,026 --> 00:12:46,221
You know, I was just thinking
that exact...

273
00:12:47,096 --> 00:12:48,256
Oh.

274
00:12:49,031 --> 00:12:51,158
So, can I count on you all to be there?

275
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,760
Why? He never supports us.

276
00:12:53,802 --> 00:12:56,600
Yeah, last month I ran a charity 5K.

277
00:12:56,905 --> 00:12:58,896
But when I asked Cole for a donation,

278
00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:01,034
he burped in my face
and told me it was for the kids.

279
00:13:01,076 --> 00:13:03,237
But it would mean a lot to him
if you guys were there.

280
00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:05,747
Really? Because every time
I ask him how he is,

281
00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,976
he shows me his abs and says,
"Ask them."

282
00:13:08,317 --> 00:13:10,842
Look, if you don't want to do it for him,
then do it for me.

283
00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:15,186
And if you don't want to do it for me,
then do it for the cupcakes I'll bring.

284
00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:16,315
Maybe.

285
00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:19,088
I tried to make sure
Cole wouldn't be alone,

286
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,722
although, for some,
solitude can be a relief.

287
00:13:21,764 --> 00:13:23,197
Have you seen Drew Suffin?

288
00:13:23,232 --> 00:13:26,201
Med student, but, like, 900 years old?

289
00:13:26,702 --> 00:13:28,897
Hey, you seen a med student,
thinks he's way cooler than he is,

290
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:30,802
kind of has a serial killer vibe?

291
00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:35,903
But sometimes it can remind you
of a growing frustration.

292
00:13:38,714 --> 00:13:42,150
And even if you think
you're just fine on your own,

293
00:13:43,585 --> 00:13:45,553
you can feel surprisingly abandoned.

294
00:13:45,587 --> 00:13:48,283
I thought you said people were coming.

295
00:13:52,328 --> 00:13:53,590
Cupcake?

296
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,529
Hey, where did you go?

297
00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:07,197
I went to the campus store
and got some things to cheer you up.

298
00:14:07,238 --> 00:14:10,571
Like a Winston University mini-fan

299
00:14:10,608 --> 00:14:13,509
because the surgery
is gonna be a breeze,

300
00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:16,680
a license plate frame

301
00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:20,241
because you are gonna drive away
that cancer,

302
00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:24,243
and a stuffed Ollie the Owlcat

303
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,587
because you are gonna
hoot, hoot, hoot...

304
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,526
Actually, I just really think he's cute.
Can I have him?

305
00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:33,860
- Whatever. Keep it.
- Look, it's not all bad.

306
00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:35,593
I'm here. We have cupcakes.

307
00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:38,534
We can lie in bed
and watch TV all day.

308
00:14:38,569 --> 00:14:42,198
No, the remote's broken
and it's stuck on the History Channel.

309
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,401
Okay, I don't care about stuff
that's already happened.

310
00:14:45,109 --> 00:14:46,940
I'm really sorry no one came.

311
00:14:46,978 --> 00:14:49,811
Yeah, I was fine without anyone,
but you had to promise.

312
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,714
You had to do the whole Lucy thing
of "They'll come.

313
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,776
"They'll listen to me.
I think horses should go into space."

314
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,514
I never said that.

315
00:14:57,555 --> 00:15:01,013
Why would I want fewer horses
on Earth? That's crazy.

316
00:15:01,058 --> 00:15:03,356
What's crazy is thinking
that you could cheer me up.

317
00:15:03,394 --> 00:15:05,794
You know,
that is just the kind of jerky thing

318
00:15:05,830 --> 00:15:07,923
that makes people
not want to be there for you.

319
00:15:07,965 --> 00:15:11,025
Well, I don't need them
and I don't need you, either.

320
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:14,333
Okay, so take your cupcakes
and your license plate frame,

321
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:15,862
leave the mini-fan and go.

322
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,205
Whatever you want.

323
00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:22,942
Come on, Lucy! Judge Mathis?

324
00:15:23,915 --> 00:15:26,213
Med student who was supposed
to pick me up never showed up.

325
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:29,083
- I've been out there forever.
- What do you want from me?

326
00:15:30,154 --> 00:15:33,317
Help me out with this paperwork thing
so I can drive again.

327
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,383
It's just some stupid insurance rule.

328
00:15:36,427 --> 00:15:38,361
That's a pretty big favor there, Bob.

329
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,194
And since, according to you,
we're not real friends,

330
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,859
which makes perfect sense,

331
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,664
as your only real friends
are a bottle of discount gin

332
00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:47,068
and the metal handrail in your shower,

333
00:15:47,104 --> 00:15:50,267
I'm gonna go ahead and say no.

334
00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,976
We got to pass.
What are you doing here?

335
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,776
- I got a text from Drew.
- Yeah, me, too.

336
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,947
What's going on? You texted
me that a patient's coding in here.

337
00:16:03,988 --> 00:16:06,718
You texted me,
"Come and show me your boobs"?

338
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,726
I may have switched those texts.

339
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,627
Which does raise the question,
why did you show up then, Dr. Cox?

340
00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:17,996
Dr. Kelso?

341
00:16:18,069 --> 00:16:20,060
Sorry, son.
I came in to use the bathroom

342
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,230
while you were sleeping.

343
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,435
But I've been watching TV
for the last 45 minutes.

344
00:16:24,475 --> 00:16:28,434
Yeah, I got caught up in this article
about how they make tortillas.

345
00:16:28,479 --> 00:16:30,413
There's a lot of steps.

346
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,609
What're you in for?

347
00:16:32,650 --> 00:16:34,345
I got the cancer.

348
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:35,578
Woof.

349
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:38,417
I'll tell you what'll make you feel better.

350
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,016
Giving an old man your pudding cup.

351
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:48,087
Listen, for reasons I don't understand,
probably related

352
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,965
to childhood memories of my father
dressed up like my mother

353
00:16:51,002 --> 00:16:53,596
screaming,
"Am I pretty? Am I pretty? Am I pretty?"

354
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,265
You two are my closest relationships
in this place.

355
00:16:56,307 --> 00:17:01,335
Congratulations. But I cannot handle
being stuck in the middle of you guys.

356
00:17:01,379 --> 00:17:02,573
You have got to work it out.

357
00:17:02,613 --> 00:17:06,049
You brought us here to make us talk?
That's ridiculous.

358
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,278
About as ridiculous
as your five-o'clock shadow.

359
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,811
Honest to God, there are some times
during rounds when I look over at you,

360
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:14,120
and it's like I'm teaching Yasir Arafat.

361
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,820
Really? I see a slightly gayer
George Michael.

362
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,886
- Oh! So see that.
- Mmm.

363
00:17:18,929 --> 00:17:21,295
Could you please be more alike?

364
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,525
You know, we are kind of alike.

365
00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:29,403
Actually, a lot of my best moves
I learned from watching you.

366
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:32,100
Remember when you gave Maya
that two-page list of careers

367
00:17:32,143 --> 00:17:34,270
she'd be more suited for
than medicine?

368
00:17:34,311 --> 00:17:35,437
She cried for the entire weekend.

369
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:40,581
Really? Gosh, you hope you reach
these kids, but you never know.

370
00:17:40,618 --> 00:17:42,449
You just never know.

371
00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:57,054
Sorry your mom couldn't make it.
She's a hell of a woman.

372
00:17:57,463 --> 00:18:00,330
Next time you see her,
tell her that Bob Kelso said,

373
00:18:00,366 --> 00:18:03,631
"I still see sugarplums."
She'll know what it means.

374
00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:07,106
Does it mean that you want her
to make you one of her holiday cakes?

375
00:18:08,675 --> 00:18:11,166
- Yeah, that's what it means.
- Yeah.

376
00:18:11,945 --> 00:18:14,038
So, where are your friends?

377
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,911
They never showed up.

378
00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:18,950
Man, if one of them needed me,
I'd be there.

379
00:18:18,985 --> 00:18:21,146
Okay, like, when Trang asked me
to help him move,

380
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,382
I said no because I didn't want
to slow everyone down

381
00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:25,414
with my hilarious jokes.

382
00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:28,553
- Are you scared about this?
- No.

383
00:18:29,162 --> 00:18:30,322
Okay.

384
00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,466
Look, I'm totally freaked out.

385
00:18:37,837 --> 00:18:41,068
And I pushed away the one person
who was here for me.

386
00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:44,634
Old man, here's your stinking forms.
Enjoy driving again.

387
00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:46,440
Try not to kill anybody.

388
00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:48,538
What was that?

389
00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:52,477
He just did me a big favor,

390
00:18:52,518 --> 00:18:54,679
even though
I was a real douche to him.

391
00:18:55,822 --> 00:18:59,417
And I was just scared

392
00:18:59,459 --> 00:19:03,657
about getting old
and losing my independence.

393
00:19:03,696 --> 00:19:05,095
It sucks.

394
00:19:05,898 --> 00:19:08,958
Man, I don't want people
to know when I'm scared.

395
00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:11,835
- It's weak.
- Yeah, I used to be like you.

396
00:19:11,871 --> 00:19:14,362
You know, putting up a front,
shutting people out,

397
00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:17,205
acting like
you don't need anybody. Yeah.

398
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,143
Fortunately, though, I got past all that.

399
00:19:19,178 --> 00:19:23,638
Because, you see, the best thing
about letting people know

400
00:19:23,683 --> 00:19:26,777
how you really feel about them is then,

401
00:19:26,819 --> 00:19:30,084
no matter how big a jackass
you've been,

402
00:19:30,123 --> 00:19:32,648
they'll still show up for you
when times are bad.

403
00:19:35,595 --> 00:19:37,358
Hey, I got your message.

404
00:19:37,397 --> 00:19:39,831
- Did you listen to the whole thing?
- Yeah.

405
00:19:39,899 --> 00:19:41,662
Then why are you wearing a bra?

406
00:19:42,502 --> 00:19:43,594
I'm not.

407
00:19:45,538 --> 00:19:47,563
Thanks for coming.

408
00:19:48,141 --> 00:19:50,041
I was a jerk and you didn't deserve it.

409
00:19:50,109 --> 00:19:52,077
I know you were scared.

410
00:19:52,545 --> 00:19:55,139
I'll be here when you get out, okay?

411
00:19:57,450 --> 00:20:00,146
Sometimes ego gets in the way
of what's best for you.

412
00:20:00,219 --> 00:20:01,880
Whether it's combining forces...

413
00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:05,379
Now, this guy's never prepared
for class a day in his life.

414
00:20:05,425 --> 00:20:06,824
Let's say we start with him?

415
00:20:06,859 --> 00:20:09,589
The weird shoes,
the skinny chicken legs...

416
00:20:09,629 --> 00:20:11,324
- What are you guys doing?
- You were right about us.

417
00:20:11,364 --> 00:20:12,854
We are so alike.

418
00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:15,925
So, we decided to team up
and make life hell for the med students.

419
00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:17,026
What have I done?

420
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:19,334
...the opportunity to thank a friend...

421
00:20:19,372 --> 00:20:23,570
That's the good stuff. I swiped it
from the bar at the country club.

422
00:20:24,077 --> 00:20:25,544
You're welcome, Bob.

423
00:20:25,578 --> 00:20:27,569
...or the chance to do something nice

424
00:20:27,613 --> 00:20:30,514
for the people in your life
because you actually do care.

425
00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:32,711
Hey, I know
we're gonna be studying late,

426
00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:34,878
so I bought you nerds dinner.

427
00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:37,048
Did you rub, graze, touch, dip,

428
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,422
drag or spread your stuff
on any part of this?

429
00:20:39,459 --> 00:20:42,360
Wanted to, decided not to.

430
00:20:42,395 --> 00:20:43,555
Cole?

431
00:20:44,931 --> 00:20:48,094
I just wanted to do something nice
for you guys.

432
00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:50,361
Hey, Dr. Kelso's driving again.

433
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:59,510
Yeah, that's about right.

434
00:21:03,015 --> 00:21:06,041
Hey, I wanted to talk to you
about skin cancer.

435
00:21:06,085 --> 00:21:08,918
It's very serious but easily preventable.

436
00:21:08,988 --> 00:21:12,480
Always wear sunscreen,
get a full body check-up annually

437
00:21:12,525 --> 00:21:16,256
and when you go to the beach,
stay covered up, unless you're a hottie,

438
00:21:16,295 --> 00:21:19,059
in which case,
you should take it all off and get weird.

439
00:21:19,098 --> 00:21:21,362
We're trying to make a video
about cancer awareness.

440
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,867
Okay, what about hottie awareness?

441
00:21:22,902 --> 00:21:24,733
Have you been to the beach lately?

442
00:21:24,771 --> 00:21:27,831
It's all families eating hard-boiled eggs.
Okay, that ain't right.

443
00:21:27,874 --> 00:21:29,136
You know what, just go... Hey, go, go.

444
00:21:29,175 --> 00:21:32,076
Press record. I got this.
I'll figure it out.

445
00:21:32,111 --> 00:21:34,409
Hotties, remember this,

446
00:21:34,447 --> 00:21:37,314
you cannot get skin cancer
on your taters.